A Journey Of Finding A Church | Christianity | Spiritual Journey

I’ve been obligated to have a religion that will be my spiritual identity, since I was born. Maybe we all are ‘obligated’ in some ways.

I have learned some religions in order to find my religious identity and it’s not easy. You got judgments and doubts and thoughts and even I was in the state of doubting myself.

But I never, ever, has doubted God. The creator of the universe and me. I am more of a spiritual person than a religious one. I find that religions are ‘more human’ than God itself. Religion makes people ‘holy’ and selfish.

Disclaimer : It’s my own opinion that is not intended to offense anybody.

But… As we live in the world of boxes, somehow we need to fit in to one of those boxes. So do I and my children.

I’ve been raised in a Catholic family and been a Catholic for so many years but then after I got married, my husband introduced me to Christianity.

Again I have some thoughts, doubts, questions, and disagreement over the religion. But I tried to oblige and observance in the same time. Not a religious material to do right?

I’ve been going to the same church for years and I didn’t feel peace. Life went on and I went along.

Then I moved to another town and found the church (the same one at the last town) and I brought myself and the kids to that church. I thought that if I go to a different ‘branch’, there’s some different, but I was wrong. It’s the same, so I still had my old feelings.

I felt that I was in a state of lying to myself and God. Like a hypocrite. Even my kids didn’t want to go to their Sunday School. Coz they’re feeling the same as I felt. Some uncomfortable feelings.

For some times, we stopped going to church. I felt like I was a bad mom, not fulfilling my job in giving my kid’s soul needs. I want my children to have a consciousness of having God. The One that control the universe. The One that giving them mercy and love. The One that over power the whole world.

Then one day, my prayers was answered. A friend of my mom came visiting one day and the conversation was led to me not going to church and when she goes. So she informed me where the church is and the time of Sunday service.

Sunday came. I was driving my car and literally in a junction. Turn right to the old church or turn left to the new church. I was debating with myself and finally turn my wheel to the left. As I was driving, I already felt some hope but again debating whether I was to send the kids straight to the Sunday School classes or letting them in the service with me.

I was at the church, parking my car, walking in, and the classes was already began. I asked the kids (hoping) if they wanted to go to the classes. And they went in without any fuss. They were just saying bye and went in. It was a relief. They didn’t know anybody coz we’re new in town and it’s our first time in the church.

I went up to the service, found myself a seat, and joined in. The church isn’t as big as my old one was. The people is more humble and I felt welcomed. Unlike the rich people in my old church, that were not seemed aware of each others, even careless. Being alone and don’t feel belong to is not the feeling we’re supposed to be getting from a church. But here, in this new church, on my first time, I already felt like a family.

And more to my surprise, the focus of the church was not getting as much money as possible (which is the focus of the old church) but getting as much souls (to believes in Jesus as saviour) as possible. I felt rejoice and yes they’re getting a new soul. Mine and my kid’s.

Now, we don’t skip church unless one of us were sick. The kids were not as lazy as they were. Before, they were even cried if I asked them to go to church for Sunday School. Now, they got up voluntarily and always share good stories of what they learned from Sunday classes.

The kids are now joining the music ministry classes. Abe (my oldest, 12yo) is joining drum class and Al (my youngest, 9yo) is joining keyboard class. For FREE!!! At my old church everything was monetized, including giving our self to serve God, we need to pay.

I thank God for sending me someone who informed me of this church. I thank God for giving me a second chance to find Him. I thank God for letting my children to serve Him. I thank God that I am more in love with Him through this church.

The pastor of this church is always emphasizing on getting more souls not in a way of dragging them from other church to go into this church. He is always saying that we need to save new souls so more people knows and believes on Jesus Christ. He has strong disagreement on moving other Christians from one church to another church.

Well, I disagree with him. I know for myself that not every Christian that are already in a church have their souls on God. I know for sure that not every Christian goes to church every Sunday out of their faith on Jesus. Coz I know, I’ve been going just wanted to fit in the box. So that I have a religion identity.

The church is supposed to change our old self into our new that believes and surrender only to Jesus Christ, reflecting Jesus in our everyday life. And if after so many years, one don’t feel any will power to change their old self, to be more like Jesus rather than the world. Then I say, find another church coz they obviously needs to be saved, like I am saved.

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