Insecurity | Dessy’s Days

I just saw an episode of The Good Doctor and it hit me. There’s this woman at the age of 50s who had so many transplants in her body to make her feel pretty and wanted again, just like before she was young with no kids.

It finally getting back on her that her transplants are infected and needed to be removed. All of them. It’s said about 6 transplants all over her body including her face. The doctors needed to move fast or she’ll die.

Knowing that the transplants will caused her life, she refused the procedures. She said that since she had kids, her life was miserable, caused by the depression of feeling insecure. Thought that she had lost her beauty coz she felt tired from taking care of the house, the kids, and her husband, no time to take care of herself. She was feeling unwanted and under appreciated.

But after she had her 1st transplant, everything seemed better. Her husband started to looked at her again. So wanting more love, she added more transplants. Now she feels that without her transplants, she’s back to being nobody again. To being invisible again.

I totally get her.

After some times, my insecurities has gotten worst. I don’t even want to take selfie again. I tried so many times and deleted so many photos I took on myself. I don’t look good anymore. Everytime I look at the pictures I just took, all I see are flaws. Nothing looks good. No pose looks good. No angle is the good angle.

That’s why my Instagram account has very limited picture of myself. I’m hiding myself behind the image I try to create on Instagram and my blog. And I think, I’m doing good hiding.

But today, I landed on some Instagram accounts that has so many pictures of themselves and they are all looking good. Look good doesn’t always mean perfect pose and pretty face. I see sparkles on each of their pictures. I see confident. I see spirits. I see beauty. How about me? I feel left behind. I don’t have what they have.

I wanna be like them. I wanna have what they all have. I wanna feel alive again. I wanna be me again.

So many things happen and I feel overwhelmed. But I need this getting myself together thing. I need to step up my game to find what’s lost.

Can anybody relate? What do you do to find yourself again? To be confident again. Leave a comment below and let’s connect.

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