Should I be worry? 

My old self wouldn’t be thanking God for giving me this financial crisis, where I’m bearly afford anything. But you know what… I’m finding my new self in this ashes of crumbling life of mine. 

I thought that I wouldn’t survive another crash, couldn’t bear any more pain, couldn’t stay any longer and try to be tougher. I do. I am doing it. Not easy, it’s super hard, but I’m gonna do it. This too shall pass. 

My old self would be worrying about anything now, everything. I would be devastated for not being able to shop for clothes, to not sit in a restaurant with my friends eating expensive food, to not do anything I want that would surely cost me some money, to not go somewhere and have a nice vacation. 

Now, I’m in my 5th day on my ‘no spend’ week and I’m not dying, I’m still alive. I survive. 

Now, I see what’s more important in life. Not the clothes I wear, not the food I eat, not all the blinking sparkling life I tried to showed off to people. 

I know now, that God is more interested in the ministry I do while I’m wearing my clothes, even if its a cheap clothes. God is more concerned with what I’m gonna do with the energy the food gives me, even if its just ‘a low end’ kinda food. God is a lot more invested in what I’m going to do when I’m somewhere, even if I’m only going to school for my kids everyday and not spending time at the mall or vacationing at one part of Indonesia. 

Instead of worrying about unimportant things, I know that God has something better for me to do, besides worrying my life. I think I’m gonna maintain this lifestyle and I’m bringing my kids along with me in this journey 🙏

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