Stay Committed

Life teaches us how to recognize ourselves and the people around us. How to call someone a friend. Friend a very simple word yet somehow intriguing.

I sometimes don’t know how to describe someone as my friend. The one that I know? The one that I share my story with? The one that I say Hi to? The one that I recognize?

Then there’s another term as ‘Best Friend’. How best are they? What makes them best? How is it any different than a ‘Friend’?

I’m an easy going girl. I can mingle and talk in various occasions with any different kinds of people. I know a lot of people. Can I say that they’re my friend by only knowing their name and talk for a few hours? I may see them again, I may not, and maybe texting each others occasionally. Are they my friends?

I take the word friend very seriously. I even had this scene on walking out of a chat group when I didn’t get the message that I’m their friend for leaving me out in one ‘event’. Some people took my action as an exaggerating act of attention. I took it as a betrayal. We’re okay now though 😊

Then I moved town and meeting up again with my school friends. We were in one school together, so they’re my friend. Time goes by, we end up being friends in (several) chat apps. We rarely chat. Just having them in my friend list makes them my friend. But are they?

There’s this girl. We were quite closed back then at school. We sort of losing contact when I moved town years ago. Now that we’re in the same town again, would it make us close again? Not really.

She’s busy with her things and I’m busy with my things. Since we’re now both married and have kids, our life kinda jumbled up. It’s hard to meet each other and talk. But we did chat numerous times.

I’m not in this financial crisis all the time. There was times when I was loaded and I give. I love to give. I can give presents for no reason. She was not in a very good financial position, but she’s okay. As for me, I give whenever I have something to give.

I wasn’t expecting anything back from her, especially in her condition. She’s not lacking yet she’s not loaded. I didn’t ask for anything from her. We just talk, she knows my situation, I know her situation. She works hard to support her family like I do.

We’re not the closest friends coz she has her own circle and I don’t quite socialize here. I’m very focus and dedicated in taking care of the boys. I busy myself with house chores, house organization, planning, budgeting, everything that will make me better and busy.

Then she shocked me with one message that I have to meet up with her. After all hassle trying to make time to meet, I met her and she gave me a bag full of produce and eggs and protein and everything I need to make a meal for the kids.

I am not used to be taking things from others. Let alone from someone whom I know, also need what’s inside that bag for her family meals. I felt awkward but thankful. Coz really I had nothing to feed my boys.

Then I know how someone felt when I gave them food when they needed most. It was a wake up call for me, that I shouldn’t stop giving, even the smallest part of what I have.

She still send me produce every now and then. And sometimes even message me if I needed some gas money for my bike. And she support my business. Whenever I have something to sell, she’ll buy from me for herself or she resell it. Sometimes she just buy, resell, and didn’t even take any benefit from it.

Is she my best friend? Is she a friend? Who is she?

Then I have this cousin of mine. We didn’t talk much before I moved back to this town, but we grew closer now.

We used to went on vacation and camping together. Family trips. When we were in a stable place financially. Then, he got laid off from his job. It hurts me when I know he could have been experiencing what I’m going through right now.

Lucky he had this compensation from the office so he can start a business. And he came up with this garlic trading business. I started selling garlic that he supply to me. Then he start postponing taking money from me. I was so scared that I end up using that money that I supposed to pay him, coz really when I have nothing to feed my boys, the money was sitting there like calling me to take them.

It was a battle. But then he keeps rejecting to take the money. He may not say it, but I feel that he wants to help me. I end up using the money to survive our daily lives. But I keep notes and pay some amount to him. It’s a debt that I should pay him back. And I will pay him.

I’m so grateful for what I have right now. I have great loving people surrounding me. God provides with the people to help get through this. And this too shall pass.

I know I got backstabbed, disappointed, discouraged, so many times by friends and or family. But when we stay committed to keep doing good, God will make it up to me. He has the final say.

I know that no one will help me knowing that I slack off, lazing around doing nothing, wasting time for nonsense. But when I keep doing what’s needed for me to do, God will open hearts and doors of opportunities for me.

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